Monday, March 22, 2010

Therapy, we love it.

Dear world,

Today I have to go to therapy. Do you know what that means? An hour of pure torture, and pretending that everything is rainbows and butterflies. I would rather talk about anal sex with my father than go to this therapy session, does that not say anything to you?

I’m a ninja. Be warned.

Thank you.


Church with Old Greg

Date: Sunday, March 22, 2010

Time: Morning

Okay, I know what you’re thinking, what am I still doing talking to Old Greg?  Didn’t I say that I would drop kick him in the mangina when I saw him?

Well, I didn’t do that.  When we talked to meet up, Old Greg invited me to go to a church because he’d been hired to play the piano.  Now Old Greg is not a Christian, so him going to church was a very strange thing, but I agreed to go since I’m a church going gal.  And plus, I wanted my stuff back.

So when I saw Old Greg, we met on the subway car.  When I saw Old Greg, he had a heinous hair-do, and I thought to myself, “THANK JESUS THAT HE LOOKS SO UNATTRACTIVE!!!!”  Conveniently, Old Greg left my stuff at his apartment.  He said we could make plans again so that I could get it back.  I wonder if he still likes me.  For my part, I have to sadly admit that the old familiar feelings of love began springing their way through despite my aversion to his horrible personality and his heinous new do.  I couldn’t be mad.  I couldn’t hate him.  I couldn’t slap him in the face or kick him in the hot spot.  I had forgiven him already, and there was no anger left in me.  We hugged briefly, and he was wearing the cologne that I had bought him for Christmas.  I chose that cologne because it turned me on.  So, I lost my nerve to slap him in his face, and instead, we sat down together, listened to music, and he was doing all the talking- talking about the band we were listening to- nothing deep or personal, as I sat silently wondering if he still felt that lovin’ feelin’ or if it was gone, gone, gone, whoa-whoa-whoa.

I wanted to kiss his lips and hold his hand, but I did not.  At one point, though, I took his arm and rested my head against his shoulder.  He didn’t seem to mind it, but he didn’t seem to encourage anything either.  And then, I woke myself up, and told myself that this relationship was doomed to fail.  I withdrew my hand and my head so that we were not touching at all.  And we just listened to music as we went to the church.

We were a bit early, so we got breakfast, then we went to the church, and he had to practice, so I sat down in a pew the fifth row from the front, so I wouldn’t be too close or too far from him.  I stayed there the whole time, and he stayed up front until the service was over.  When it ended, we walked down for a few minutes.  I asked him how his dating life was going, and he told me about the new girl he’s seeing.  She’s taller than me, skinnier than me, and she’s an atheist, which is apparently better than being a Christian, and he’s really into her.

He’s trying to make me jealous because he’s manipulative like that, but I was wise to his game.  I cheerfully told him that I was glad that he was happy and seeing other people, while secretly, I was dying inside.  We walked around the outside of the church, and then I had a moment of retardation.  I admitted that I missed him a lot and I asked if I could hold his hand.  So we walked around and held hands.  I didn’t tell him that I had another date scheduled for the day, but I did tell him I was dating again, so I had my moment of manipulation of comparing him to this other guy (most of my comparisons were lies, but I’ll never tell).

Then Old Greg asked me what would I do if he kissed me.  And I very excitedly and stupidly answered that I would kiss him back.  So we kissed.  He kissed me on the lips, then I kissed him on the lips- not passionately, but there were still sparks there for me.  I like kissing him, even though he’s a huge douche who has hurt me so many times.  Something is terribly wrong with me.  I am terribly stupid.  And I know it, and yet, I’m torturing and tormenting myself.  So after those two kisses, he had to play for the second church service, and I had to go on my date which I scheduled conveniently a half hour before the second service would begin so I wouldn’t spend the day with Old Greg.  And so we pecked a kiss on the lips goodbye, and I told him that I still want my things back.

Dates to go: 97

Outcome: Truth Sherwood is through with relationships, but she will continue the dating challenge, knowing that there is no such thing as Prince Charming or Mr. Right.


Friday, March 19, 2010

Fetishes R Us

I opened my email this morning to see I’d had another couple of messages from the dating site, plus one of the senders had added me as a “favourite”. So I logged in to read them.

hi there
id like to massage and smell your feet after youve been running, what size are they?

Now I’m very open-minded as a rule, but I sat there for a very long time contemplating that particular missive.  WTF? It has to be the weirdest thing anybody has ever written in a first message to me. Honestly, did the guy expect me to reply?? He’s clearly on the wrong website – might be more his thing. Shame really, cos he was actually rather good-looking in his picture. How sad.

In the same vein, the guy I have been chatting to over the last few days has been binned. His messages became increasingly sexual in tone to the point yesterday where I logged into MSN and he IM’d me. Within a few minutes, despite me stating quite forcefully I was at work, he was telling me in great graphic detail what he had been thinking about and therefore what he wanted to do to me. Let’s just say it involved gratuitous nudity and a whole lot of  X-rated action. . .

It really pisses me off that men feel they can talk to me this way when they haven’t even bloody met me! I’m all for some light-hearted suggestive banter – hell, I enjoy it – but to cut right to the nitty-gritty before a first date is ridiculous. I did point out the previous evening that he might not like me (and vice versa) if we met, but it seems that warning fell on deaf ears.

I suspect he was only after an assisted wank anyway. He probably hoped I would reply to his filthy IM in the same vein, and bingo, two minutes later he could sit there with a handful of mucky tissue and a beatific smile. Well tough! Grrrrrr!

If he can talk to me like that when he hasn’t even met me, it’s obvious he can talk to ALL women like that, irrespective of who they are! Hardly bodes well for any kind of committed relationship, does it!

It’s days like these that I wonder what on earth was I thinking of when I decided to try internet dating again!!  :(


We Will Get To The Talking

Tech and I haven’t had a chance to sit down and talk yet. We will get the chance/make the chance. We could have talked some by now at least on the phone but, he’s had some difficulties and decisions to make lately that have not been easy for him. And as they were definitely of a time sensitive nature, they and his dealing with the results are the priority now.

He has, however, told me that we will talk. I believe him. And I’m not likely to let it go unaddressed for a really significant amount of time.

This is, however, an aspect of polyamory that has to be addressed from time to time. When needs conflict amongst those involved in relationships, when everyone can not get what they need at the same time (like having to postpone our talk), one person or one relationship may have to “wait in line” for lack of a better term that I can’t come up with this late at night. When this happens, it’s important for those involved to be understanding.

I had an incident of this understanding this this week with Gator. He and I went out on a date for St. Patrick’s Day. Normally, dates are for giving who you are with your full attention. (Well, in my opinion and Gator and I generally abide by that. We started that long before meeting Tech and Kitten.) However, due to the difficulties I mentioned for Tech above, both Gator and I were concerned about him. Therefore, I texted some with Tech while on my date with Gator. Some at his urging. Tech is his best friend and he wanted to check on him and he knows I was a bit worried and that it may be good for Tech to hear from me.

Poly has compromise involved and you must be willing to do that to be successful.

Though my need to settle some issues with Tech is as important as anything else, it isn’t as critical as him dealing with this. They were things that had to be dealt with immediately. It’s been stressful on several levels and emotional. He strongly believes certain things and the decision made goes against some of those things.

My men both gave in some way this week. Gator with not having my undivided attention and Tech with the compromise he made. Though it was extremely difficult, Tech did this because he loves Kitten so much. I see that and Gator sees that.


Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Bag of Tricks - What to bring on your next "date"

I FINALLY have a date this evening with my current man.   I am so excited.  Sometimes our schedules require the coordination of a shuttle launch.  The past two weeks have been particularly troublesome.  In the end, even the best plans can be thwarted by real life, family and work obligations. 

I am not sure how many of my readers are familiar with what NYC is like on St. Patrick’s day.  I am trying to figure out where to go out to dinner where I will experience the LEAST amount of beer soaked, sweaty tourists.  Most likely, I’ll be downtown this evening, but  I am still open to suggestions. 

In preparation for my date, I thought I would share what I include in my “bag o’ tricks” (aka – my oversized designer handbag).  Because you’re cheating, any date preparation needs to be very discreet.  The best thing to do is to start a pattern of behaviour that is consistent and doesn’t raise eyebrows at home.  Ladies – grooming is a must.  An impromptu denuding of your girl parts will definitely raise a red flag. So start booking monthly waxing appointments.  If on a regular schedule, your husband will be less likely to question your motives.

Next item of business – bag o’ tricks contents.  This is a list of what I keep in my bag in preparation for an evening of fun:

  • Condoms (organized in packs of 2, hidden in sealed small 2 1/2″ x 3 1/2′ manilla envelopes) – for a long evening you can bring 2 – 3 envelopes worth depending on what you have planned
  • Baby wipes (stored in small zipper snack bag) -  These are good for lots of clean up jobs ;-)
  • Make up remover wipes (stored in small zipper snack bag) – Mascara has a tendency to run during passionate sex.  I could use the baby wipes but I prefer to use these
  • Makeup – see above
  • Hair brush and ponytail holder – Never leave a trick without re-coiffing.  A “f’ knot” on the back of your head is a tell-tale sign someone’s been pounding you all afternoon.   The ponytail holder is also good to keep your hair back during sex or blow job, but in my experience, men prefer hair down (better for pulling)
  • Perfume – If you can’t shower, then you definitely need to cover up your post-coital smell.  I have gone a step further and switched my scent to my current trick’s cologne.  This is a genius move – unless your love interest wears Old Spice
  • WATER – It’s so important to stay hydrated.  How can a girl give a good blow job with a dry mouth?  Bring as much as you and your partner might need.  No one wants to pay for (or have show up on a credit card statement) a $15 charge for bottled water from the mini-bar

Here are optional items if your particular situation requires it:

  • Sea sponge – For the old school men who refuse to f’ a girl when she’s on her period.   It’s a hooker trick, but it works
  • iPod – lots of hotels have docking stations and it’s nice to get into a nice rhythm listening to your tunes.  One of my personal favs is Salva Mea by Faithless but to each his own.  You can get down to just about anything.
  • Small vibrator – Sometimes you need a little extra help with that last orgasm.  I highly recommend the We-Vibe. It’s a tiny vibrator that is silent, rechargeable and comes in a legitimate looking glasses case.  You can carry and use it anywhere.
  • Lube – some girls need it and others do not.  If you’re even considering any back-door action, this is necessary.  Don’t cheap out and get the good stuff!
  • S&M  gear – this is for the serious players…. this can include: bondage equipment, flail, nipple clamps, strap-on…. I could list a million other things, but you get the drift.  Most will NOT fit in your purse (except for the nipple clamps).

Now for the men, you’re not off the hook.  Make sure you tidy up your nether regions, but not so much that your wife notices.  You also need to bring:

  • Enough cash to cover the room, food, incidentals, etc.
  • Condoms – don’t count on your lady friend to think of everything all the time.
  • Viagra – Now, even the most virile men need help sometimes.  Cheating can be a little stressful and you could suffer from some performance anxiety.  Don’t disappoint your date and waste the room (since you’re paying for it)…. No one needs to know.

For reference, the next posting’s topic will be “Types of Cheaters – Which one are you?”  That’s about it for now as I need to prepare for my date….


Introducing Detective James Ford - Lost Episode Recap - Recon

You had me at Detective James Ford!  Whoo hoo! 

Oh my, do I love Sawyer … and hot cops … and putting Sawyer shirtless and flashing a detective badge nearly had me on the floor.  I had fallen asleep (on accident, what the hell!)  around 8:50 pm and got woken up when my husband came home at 9:15 pm.  I was dead asleep, but the first thing out of my mouth after seeing Sawyer as a cop was “Sawyer’s hotness went up 100%.”  Mmmm, hmmm, ladies, am I right, or am I right?  Finally, LOST got it right tonight, because we all love a Sawyer episode … but a sideways flash of Sawyer as a hot detective?  LOST, you done real good tonight!

Ok, Sawyer is doing the pigeon drop, a supposed con on some random woman in a hotel room, off island, but image my surprise when he utters the code name LaFleur and Miles and the rest of the cops barge in to save this male hot mess’s life.  I just can’t stop thinking about that badge on his shirtless chest, so I made a little photo collage to forever remind me of that moment, since apparently LOST is foolish enough not to release that particular image. 

Tonight, we see Miles and Sawyer working together off island as LA Detectives.  Miles sets Sawyer up on a date with his friend Charlotte, who cleans up quite nicely and is saucy as hell dropping lines like “I’m exactly like Indiana Jones” and hinting about her whip. 

Those two fell into bed faster than any other couple in tv history.  Even the hubby remarked “Boy, that’s a lot of action for a first date” and I had to snap back a quick “It’s Sawyer, honey!”  I’m no whore, but if I met the real tv Sawyer, I’d become one. 

Mmmm, hmmm, that actress had to been so happy to have the best reappearance of any dead former castmember this season.  Too bad she had to go and screw it up and riffle through his drawers looking for a case file and stumbling across his dead parents photo.  Sawyer being Sawyer freaked out when the man behind the curtain was exposed and through Charlotte’s butt into the street.  When he rethought the matter, he showed up with yet another flower and beer, but she turned him down, like a fool.  Would you have? 

Everyone else has done what they were supposed to off-island, but what do you all think about what Sawyer accomplished?  He opened up on-island, and Juliet blew up.  He tried to open up to Charlotte, and she blew him off.  It wasn’t clear to me that he was exactly a good guy off-island, because he let Kate go at the airport, being a cop and all, and is still planning on murdering Mr. Sawyer.  So, is that saying on-island he needs to stay a bad boy?  I hope so.

Sure, John Locke admitted tonight “I’m the smoke thing,” and that his mother was crazy and so was Claire, but the best moment he had tonight was when he bitched slapped Claire hard across the face after she tried to kill Kate. 

Even though John was a little creepy trying to open up, this episode was all about Sawyer, and that is exactly the way I like it.  He was on to the Liz Lemon look-alike Zoe pretty quick, and of course she ended up working for Charles Widmore who has finally made it to The Island on his (not really) yellow submarine. 

Sawyer decides to play Smokey John Locke and Widmore against one another and promised Kate that they will be snatching that sub and getting the hell off that island together.  Hell, yes!  So, it looks to me like Kate and Sawyer will end up together.  I hope this really happens because I can’t stand Jack, alone, but especially Kate.  Kate and Sawyer, despite being jaded and broken, somehow bring out the best in one another, despite their flaws.

On a side note, I love that Sawyer called Mr. Widmore “chief” and was watching Little House on the Praire and took Pa’s lesson to Half-Pint to heart, and was so affected he made his move on Charlotte, only to get shot down.  I can’t tell you how much I enjoy my tv star boyfriend who seems to love pop culture as much as I do!


Monday, March 15, 2010

Party Time

At our traditional sunday girls’ nite last night, we were talking about our new candidates… The fun part is that we all have a new possibility in our lives at the same time!!

As I we were wondering how it would be like with our new men, we came up with the idea of throwing a party at my new place!!

That means that I have to tidy up not only my flat but also my garden in 2 weeks!

The “trigger” once again is in place. Trigger to throw a fab party and to work out for the next 2 weeks!

Well, we ofcourse hope that the objects of our affection will show to the party! Right now the guest list has approx 40 people in it!!! I’m hoping that not all will show up!

I ofcourse invited the ex (mama’s boy), the lova boy aaaaand “him”. There has to be some kind of competition among men don’t you think?

the game is on ladies and gentlemen!