“What is the one thing you haven’t done yet that you want to do with me, or to me?”
I love these types of questions. I love hypothesizing. It’s fun. It makes my brain happy. “What if” type of questions are like candy to my mind. Hypothesizing about sex makes both my brain and my clit happy so it’s a double treat.
How we came to the question is that today Luke has sex on the mind and for whatever reason I am decidedly not in the mood. We, neither of us, prescribe to the school of thought that if he wants sex, I must provide. However, being of the male persuasion, (I am going by what I hear from other women here since he is my first guy), he has been chewing my ear off by talking about how badly he wants it, needs it, is distracted without it, etc etc. I used to think of myself as a nympho because I have a higher sex drive than most women and butches I dated. I pity men and their sex drive. It seems like a colossal joke to have such different sex drives in different genders.
Anyhow, since we do have a bdsm relationship, some might think that if he wanted sex, he could demand it. If I am not otherwise busy (like today), theoretically he could and in practice I would respond to it some of the time. BUT I am very particular about my personal space and while I don’t mind having my limits pushed once in a while (by I don’t mind I mean it would turn me on), I wouldn’t be able to handle it as a given. If he were to demand sex from me when I was truly not in the mood, I would rain fire on his head and that’s not good for anyone. This is one reason I can’t be a slave or lifestyler ever. I wouldn’t even demure away, I would flatten with disapproval. Once more, not good, for anyone.
Some of the reluctance and caution around playing with that particular situation comes from another issue though. Namely, Luke is MUCH more tactile than I am. I can do without touch and a lot of times I need people not to touch me, specifically when I am upset. Luke has always needed to be touched to feel connected so when he is upset, he touches. When we are both upset, like when we’ve had an argument, that makes for a bad combination. For a long time, he didn’t quite get that or his need to touch outweighed his knowledge of my need for him not to. That invasion of my space, in a way, made me weary of his touch for a while so I instinctually reacted to his simplest touch with pulling away even if I actually wanted his touch. I had just had to push him away so much that it became an impulse. Over time, he has come to (slowly) understand what I mean or at least he’s been “retrained” to not do it, thank god, so we are past that. Who says tops can’t learn?
It’s an art, how I get side tracked. This part, I swear will relate back to why I started writing.
So here’s the thing. Before dating me Luke had never been in a bdsm relationship. *I* have never been in a relationship that didn’t involve at least some innocent form of kink. When we met, I think by the 2nd time we had spoken I told him I was into kink. I just never have been able to get involved with someone without putting that on the table from the get go. I try to make it sound not so presumptuous as in, hi we’ve just met but I am going to assume we’ll have sex and I am telling you that I need it kinky. But I just don’t want to waste my time so for as long as I remember, if I found someone attractive, I’ve let it be known that I am into kink. I mentioned I started having sex when I was 19 and I met Luke when I was turning 24. However in the interim 5 years, I did manage to do a lot more sexual exploration that he had managed with the added 6 years he has on me. With that being said, he took to topping like a fish to water. If there was ever a case of raw talent making up for lack of experience, this is it. He is one of the best tops I have ever met and he is my sexual soul mate. He is the yang to my yin.
My kink need has always been so obvious to me that I used to be skeptical of people who “come to kink”. I was a kink snob, I admit it. In short, I was a dork. Knowing Luke and growing up changed that.
BUT, short and long of it is while he could handle a cane and flogger on the first go better than a lot of experienced tops I’ve known, he still hasn’t done a bunch of things that I take for granted. Also, not having been in the kink and queer community (and by nature) he is much more conservative than I am. So it’s always fun to hypothesize on sex acts we haven’t done yet and he hasn’t tried so far.
Which (finally) brings us back to the question of the day.
My answer:
I want a threesome with Luke and another guy. I’ve had a threesome before with a butch and a femme. In that situation I was the visiting dignitary. Now I want to play with two masculine people and bring a boy/boi in. I don’t care if he’ll be a trans man or a butch, just masculine. I want to be double penetrated. I want to be whipped while I am sucking cock and all such fun that comes from threesomes. But I want our third to be submissive to Luke while dominant to me. Also I want to watch Luke fuck him and I want to watch him suck Luke off. I swoon at boy on boy action.
So I want a bisexual switch who is clean and trustworthy to come and play with us.
The problem? Luke does not like sharing his toys, specially his favorite which happens to be your truly. Annnd Luke is decidedly into girls. However, as I pointed out to him, he did ask so I answered.
Oh and he couldn’t picture how a double penetration in ass and pussy would work. He was telling me how the mechanics of it wouldn’t work so I had to search till I found some clips that showed it which did not impress. I won’t pretend that it’s easy or graceful or even attainable for long periods of time… closer observation of various double penetration porn made it clear that it’s rather hard even for professionals. All I am saying is that I like the sensation (from being fucked in my cunt while also having a “full sized” plug in my ass) and I think I’ll enjoy the act. I am not going to pretend that I know it’ll be fun. I’ve had plenty of fantasies that once played out not only did not live up to the mental enticement but were downright icky. But I’ve also had plenty of fantasies that were muuuuch better in practice than even in my head.
As for what I’d like to do to him. I can’t imagine doing anything TO him. With him is one thing. To him, well I can’t wrap my mind around that quite. He is my top and thus the doer of things unto moi.
His answer: (to both with and to)
Public sex as in, in a public place and with a public to watch. He IS more of an exhibitionist than I thought. Luke and I have had sex in public areas like hiking trail or a club or restaurant but not yet with other people watching. I had done that before I met him BUT that’s before all my issues with my health and weight and self image. I am honestly much more shy naked wise than I used to be. BUT, while he much be prudish about my fantasies, I am here to please so public sex is on the schedule. We have to wait until Luke has his top surgery but right after he is healed and feels comfy we’re going to do something public. Before that time which would be about a year away, we’ve been playing around with the idea of making some clips to post online. That would be like having an audience without being able to see them. A much larger audience. And the benefit of editing to have as a mental safeguard against attacks of shy. It’s like training wheels for exhibitionism!
Now on to cleanings and Christmas set ups.
Yay!
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