Dear world,
Today I have to go to therapy. Do you know what that means? An hour of pure torture, and pretending that everything is rainbows and butterflies. I would rather talk about anal sex with my father than go to this therapy session, does that not say anything to you?
I’m a ninja. Be warned.
Thank you.
Date: Sunday, March 22, 2010
Time: Morning
Okay, I know what you’re thinking, what am I still doing talking to Old Greg? Didn’t I say that I would drop kick him in the mangina when I saw him?
Well, I didn’t do that. When we talked to meet up, Old Greg invited me to go to a church because he’d been hired to play the piano. Now Old Greg is not a Christian, so him going to church was a very strange thing, but I agreed to go since I’m a church going gal. And plus, I wanted my stuff back.
So when I saw Old Greg, we met on the subway car. When I saw Old Greg, he had a heinous hair-do, and I thought to myself, “THANK JESUS THAT HE LOOKS SO UNATTRACTIVE!!!!” Conveniently, Old Greg left my stuff at his apartment. He said we could make plans again so that I could get it back. I wonder if he still likes me. For my part, I have to sadly admit that the old familiar feelings of love began springing their way through despite my aversion to his horrible personality and his heinous new do. I couldn’t be mad. I couldn’t hate him. I couldn’t slap him in the face or kick him in the hot spot. I had forgiven him already, and there was no anger left in me. We hugged briefly, and he was wearing the cologne that I had bought him for Christmas. I chose that cologne because it turned me on. So, I lost my nerve to slap him in his face, and instead, we sat down together, listened to music, and he was doing all the talking- talking about the band we were listening to- nothing deep or personal, as I sat silently wondering if he still felt that lovin’ feelin’ or if it was gone, gone, gone, whoa-whoa-whoa.
I wanted to kiss his lips and hold his hand, but I did not. At one point, though, I took his arm and rested my head against his shoulder. He didn’t seem to mind it, but he didn’t seem to encourage anything either. And then, I woke myself up, and told myself that this relationship was doomed to fail. I withdrew my hand and my head so that we were not touching at all. And we just listened to music as we went to the church.
We were a bit early, so we got breakfast, then we went to the church, and he had to practice, so I sat down in a pew the fifth row from the front, so I wouldn’t be too close or too far from him. I stayed there the whole time, and he stayed up front until the service was over. When it ended, we walked down for a few minutes. I asked him how his dating life was going, and he told me about the new girl he’s seeing. She’s taller than me, skinnier than me, and she’s an atheist, which is apparently better than being a Christian, and he’s really into her.
He’s trying to make me jealous because he’s manipulative like that, but I was wise to his game. I cheerfully told him that I was glad that he was happy and seeing other people, while secretly, I was dying inside. We walked around the outside of the church, and then I had a moment of retardation. I admitted that I missed him a lot and I asked if I could hold his hand. So we walked around and held hands. I didn’t tell him that I had another date scheduled for the day, but I did tell him I was dating again, so I had my moment of manipulation of comparing him to this other guy (most of my comparisons were lies, but I’ll never tell).
Then Old Greg asked me what would I do if he kissed me. And I very excitedly and stupidly answered that I would kiss him back. So we kissed. He kissed me on the lips, then I kissed him on the lips- not passionately, but there were still sparks there for me. I like kissing him, even though he’s a huge douche who has hurt me so many times. Something is terribly wrong with me. I am terribly stupid. And I know it, and yet, I’m torturing and tormenting myself. So after those two kisses, he had to play for the second church service, and I had to go on my date which I scheduled conveniently a half hour before the second service would begin so I wouldn’t spend the day with Old Greg. And so we pecked a kiss on the lips goodbye, and I told him that I still want my things back.
Dates to go: 97
Outcome: Truth Sherwood is through with relationships, but she will continue the dating challenge, knowing that there is no such thing as Prince Charming or Mr. Right.
Tech and I haven’t had a chance to sit down and talk yet. We will get the chance/make the chance. We could have talked some by now at least on the phone but, he’s had some difficulties and decisions to make lately that have not been easy for him. And as they were definitely of a time sensitive nature, they and his dealing with the results are the priority now.
He has, however, told me that we will talk. I believe him. And I’m not likely to let it go unaddressed for a really significant amount of time.
This is, however, an aspect of polyamory that has to be addressed from time to time. When needs conflict amongst those involved in relationships, when everyone can not get what they need at the same time (like having to postpone our talk), one person or one relationship may have to “wait in line” for lack of a better term that I can’t come up with this late at night. When this happens, it’s important for those involved to be understanding.
I had an incident of this understanding this this week with Gator. He and I went out on a date for St. Patrick’s Day. Normally, dates are for giving who you are with your full attention. (Well, in my opinion and Gator and I generally abide by that. We started that long before meeting Tech and Kitten.) However, due to the difficulties I mentioned for Tech above, both Gator and I were concerned about him. Therefore, I texted some with Tech while on my date with Gator. Some at his urging. Tech is his best friend and he wanted to check on him and he knows I was a bit worried and that it may be good for Tech to hear from me.
Poly has compromise involved and you must be willing to do that to be successful.
Though my need to settle some issues with Tech is as important as anything else, it isn’t as critical as him dealing with this. They were things that had to be dealt with immediately. It’s been stressful on several levels and emotional. He strongly believes certain things and the decision made goes against some of those things.
My men both gave in some way this week. Gator with not having my undivided attention and Tech with the compromise he made. Though it was extremely difficult, Tech did this because he loves Kitten so much. I see that and Gator sees that.
I FINALLY have a date this evening with my current man. I am so excited. Sometimes our schedules require the coordination of a shuttle launch. The past two weeks have been particularly troublesome. In the end, even the best plans can be thwarted by real life, family and work obligations.
I am not sure how many of my readers are familiar with what NYC is like on St. Patrick’s day. I am trying to figure out where to go out to dinner where I will experience the LEAST amount of beer soaked, sweaty tourists. Most likely, I’ll be downtown this evening, but I am still open to suggestions.
In preparation for my date, I thought I would share what I include in my “bag o’ tricks” (aka – my oversized designer handbag). Because you’re cheating, any date preparation needs to be very discreet. The best thing to do is to start a pattern of behaviour that is consistent and doesn’t raise eyebrows at home. Ladies – grooming is a must. An impromptu denuding of your girl parts will definitely raise a red flag. So start booking monthly waxing appointments. If on a regular schedule, your husband will be less likely to question your motives.
Next item of business – bag o’ tricks contents. This is a list of what I keep in my bag in preparation for an evening of fun:
Here are optional items if your particular situation requires it:
Now for the men, you’re not off the hook. Make sure you tidy up your nether regions, but not so much that your wife notices. You also need to bring:
For reference, the next posting’s topic will be “Types of Cheaters – Which one are you?” That’s about it for now as I need to prepare for my date….
You had me at Detective James Ford! Whoo hoo! 
Oh my, do I love Sawyer … and hot cops … and putting Sawyer shirtless and flashing a detective badge nearly had me on the floor. I had fallen asleep (on accident, what the hell!) around 8:50 pm and got woken up when my husband came home at 9:15 pm. I was dead asleep, but the first thing out of my mouth after seeing Sawyer as a cop was “Sawyer’s hotness went up 100%.” Mmmm, hmmm, ladies, am I right, or am I right? Finally, LOST got it right tonight, because we all love a Sawyer episode … but a sideways flash of Sawyer as a hot detective? LOST, you done real good tonight!
Ok, Sawyer is doing the pigeon drop, a supposed con on some random woman in a hotel room, off island, but image my surprise when he utters the code name LaFleur and Miles and the rest of the cops barge in to save this male hot mess’s life. I just can’t stop thinking about that badge on his shirtless chest, so I made a little photo collage to forever remind me of that moment, since apparently LOST is foolish enough not to release that particular image.
Tonight, we see Miles and Sawyer working together off island as LA Detectives. Miles sets Sawyer up on a date with his friend Charlotte, who cleans up quite nicely and is saucy as hell dropping lines like “I’m exactly like Indiana Jones” and hinting about her whip.
Those two fell into bed faster than any other couple in tv history. Even the hubby remarked “Boy, that’s a lot of action for a first date” and I had to snap back a quick “It’s Sawyer, honey!” I’m no whore, but if I met the real tv Sawyer, I’d become one.
Mmmm, hmmm, that actress had to been so happy to have the best reappearance of any dead former castmember this season. Too bad she had to go and screw it up and riffle through his drawers looking for a case file and stumbling across his dead parents photo. Sawyer being Sawyer freaked out when the man behind the curtain was exposed and through Charlotte’s butt into the street. When he rethought the matter, he showed up with yet another flower and beer, but she turned him down, like a fool. Would you have?
Everyone else has done what they were supposed to off-island, but what do you all think about what Sawyer accomplished? He opened up on-island, and Juliet blew up. He tried to open up to Charlotte, and she blew him off. It wasn’t clear to me that he was exactly a good guy off-island, because he let Kate go at the airport, being a cop and all, and is still planning on murdering Mr. Sawyer. So, is that saying on-island he needs to stay a bad boy? I hope so.
Sure, John Locke admitted tonight “I’m the smoke thing,” and that his mother was crazy and so was Claire, but the best moment he had tonight was when he bitched slapped Claire hard across the face after she tried to kill Kate.
Even though John was a little creepy trying to open up, this episode was all about Sawyer, and that is exactly the way I like it. He was on to the Liz Lemon look-alike Zoe pretty quick, and of course she ended up working for Charles Widmore who has finally made it to The Island on his (not really) yellow submarine.
Sawyer decides to play Smokey John Locke and Widmore against one another and promised Kate that they will be snatching that sub and getting the hell off that island together. Hell, yes! So, it looks to me like Kate and Sawyer will end up together. I hope this really happens because I can’t stand Jack, alone, but especially Kate. Kate and Sawyer, despite being jaded and broken, somehow bring out the best in one another, despite their flaws.
On a side note, I love that Sawyer called Mr. Widmore “chief” and was watching Little House on the Praire and took Pa’s lesson to Half-Pint to heart, and was so affected he made his move on Charlotte, only to get shot down. I can’t tell you how much I enjoy my tv star boyfriend who seems to love pop culture as much as I do!
At our traditional sunday girls’ nite last night, we were talking about our new candidates… The fun part is that we all have a new possibility in our lives at the same time!!
As I we were wondering how it would be like with our new men, we came up with the idea of throwing a party at my new place!!
That means that I have to tidy up not only my flat but also my garden in 2 weeks!
The “trigger” once again is in place. Trigger to throw a fab party and to work out for the next 2 weeks!
Well, we ofcourse hope that the objects of our affection will show to the party! Right now the guest list has approx 40 people in it!!! I’m hoping that not all will show up!
I ofcourse invited the ex (mama’s boy), the lova boy aaaaand “him”. There has to be some kind of competition among men don’t you think?
the game is on ladies and gentlemen!
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A simple photograph that has received more comments than any I’ve taken…
Proving that deep down, people still believe in love!
All Photos © Matt Weber
It wasn’t quite that bad…but almost. I don’t know the last time I bought condoms. Seriously, can’t remember. But, I’m a safety girl and sex would be good, so off to buy condoms I go…and gum. Why? I did need gum and, for whatever reason, only buying condoms and nothing else seemed more uncomfortable.
First, the condoms – there are A LOT of choices…geesh. So there I stand, staring with a package of gum in my hand and the CVS guy walking by me saying hello. I pick some…I walk to the line for the checkout and notice there’s self checkout!
PERFECT! I can check myself out…first the condoms, then the gum. Now they are both sitting on the bag shelf, but not in a bag because I don’t want to pay 5 cents, I have my own bag…as any good shopper should. Then I remember, I have a $2 coupon! Now, normally one would not worry about the coupon in a potentially uncomfortable situation…but these CVS coupons are killer. You always forget you have them and this one didn’t even have a minimum purchase! So, I scan it…and it doesn’t work. I try again. It doesn’t work. So, I say to the guy behind the cashier, who is helping a customer, “Does this thing take coupons?” It does. I try again, it doesn’t work. So, I figure forget it and I finish paying, complete with getting cash back, and putting my items in my bag.
And, then, the CVS cashier is nice. It can’t be. A nice cashier…now?! Of all times? And, he says, “Did the coupon work?” And, I say “no.” Mistake. The next thing I know, I’m putting my bag on the counter, condoms under the gum, handing the cashier my credit card, my cvs card, my coupon, and my receipt. After calling a manager over twice – no, really, twice – he returns the original order and repurchases it. To his credit, he looked surprised when he lifted up the gum and found the condoms.
I did get my $2…so, that’s something. Next time. Self check out. No coupons. And, God help me, I better open that box up soon.
I am not a fan of the politically correct, do-gooder, outcrying, NIMBY type of parents who tend to think the government, telly, schools, big corporations and other institutions should raise their kids for them. However, this is not a post about them. This is a post about the group of
parents (Mumsnet) who have appealed for highly sexual materials to be “watershedded”. This new outcry is not regarding the usual, “in your face” sexual content but the sneakier ones… You know the hip-hop/RnB/pop/girl’s band music videos? More specifically the one where the nearly anorexic size 8 girls are wearing next to nothing? Even when it is not a macho hip hop/RnB music video where the highly muscled gun-totting so-called gangsta is smacking his biatches around, the girls have to have the most sexual, forget suggestive as subtlety has now disappeared, dance routines and outfits. The problem is, these videos are actually on all the time, you don’t even need to have a music channel. All you need to do is switch on to a non-music national freeview channel in the morning and there you have it.
I do not usually agree with parents trying to get the government or the institution of the moment to do their jobs for them, but it must be hard for a mum trying to induce some body confidence and a sense of self-worth into her teenage daughter. It must be even harder nowadays where we (women) are given such a high (unachievable) standard of beauty to measure to. The effects of the over sexualisation of women is pretty obvious: you only need to walk down a shopping centre on a Saturday afternoon and you’ll see what I mean. The girls whose thongs are showing out of their tight jeans, whose padded bright pink bras are visible through their low cut white t-shirt, whose hairs are highlighted blonde, straightened to death… Don’t be fooled, a lot of them are only 12. I am a huge advocate that a woman that has everything on display has a low self-esteem. The fact that you are flaunting everything all at once in one-go would usually betray that you sense you have nothing better to offer or nothing else worth noticing. I am talking about women… What drives a 12 year old to already think like that? If you want respect, start by respecting yourself: put some clothes on.
Click here to read the original article.
Click here to see a video of Justine Roberts, founder of Mumsnet.
Direct link to the Mumsnet campaign.
S is for sex: “Love it, love it, love it—can’t live without it!” Saldana exults. “I love sex. I love skin. I don’t believe the body is something to hide. I think in American society we’re messing up our kids by taking away the education on and awareness of our sexuality and replacing it with violence, guns and video games—and we’re breeding little criminals.”
B is for boyfriend: When it comes to intimate relationships, Saldana, who currently lives with her longtime boyfriend, Keith Britton, likes to be knocked off her feet. “I’m more of a punch-drunk-love kind of girl,” she admits. “I mean punch as in that pow, that jolt, that kick in the gut. I like things that are severe, passionate and extreme.”
www.mrlocario.com
Bind her up,
Tie her down.
Take away her freedom.
Take away her choice.
Rip away her shield,
Leave her unprotected.
Ignore her cries for help
Ignore her pleas to stop.
Break her heart,
Break her trust.
She’ll never look at you the same now.
She’ll never love you like she could of,
You’ve broken something special
That can never be repaired.
Strip away her feelings
And indulge her in your want.
“shhhh” you coo as you muffle her cries
wiping away the tears
you taste them on your tongue.
This doesn’t stop the feelings from build own below.
She struggles
She cries
She begs you to stop.
The tears flow freely,
Bringing a smile into your eyes.
You are in control,
She is under you command
She is yours.
This is what you do to you property.
You act upon your want,
You act upon your desire.
You scar her for life
As you take what is yours.
Her smile
Her laugh,
The love in her eyes,
Her innocence,
Is yours.
You will never see her smile again,
Hear true laughs escape her lips,
Or see the love shining in her eyes
As she says she loves you.
You have spoilt her wedding day,
With a blush upon her face,
She may never get married now,
Or trust another male.
This all because of you,
And your actions here tonight.
The gleam of love was once in your eyes,
Has disappeared.
All that’s left is lust and want,
And anger in your eyes.
“please” she begs, her voice breaking,
tears running from her eyes.
“no” she whispers wanting to be free.
“shhhhhh” you coo again, as you look within her eyes.
She is scared,
She is broken,
She is yours.
With a final smirk you whisper to her
“this will only hurt for a moment”
You rip her to shreds,
You take away her pride and joy,
You steal her innocents.
You hear her scream but do not stop
This is your pleasure now.
You feel the blood upon you now
As you bleed her dry,
But take it as another sign.
That her screams are not of pain
Or of a broken heart.
Her screams encourage you,
Faster,
Hard,
Deeper,
Longer,
More.
You only see the pleasure,
You cannot see the pain you inflict,
Upon the girl you love.
Your indulge in all your wants,
And become one of instinct.
Again and again,
You scar her,
As you enter this deed again,
Taking all the pleasure you can,
And leaving her screaming on the bed.
Minutes crawl by for her,
Seeming like hours and days,
But for you it’s not long enough,
Only seconds for this it seems.
Sooner then you thought it would,
You finish with a smile.
Panting hard and breathing fast,
You lay down next to her.
Wrap your arms around her waist
and pull her closer still.
You can feel her body shake,
As she sobs from joy.
Is it joy that she is sobbing from,
Or the fact you stole her joy?
Still you hold her close,
And start to fall asleep.
She is trapped within your arms
As you whisper your goodnight.
“shhhhh my love” you mutter, as you fall asleep,
“I’ve finally shown you how I love you”
and with that the world escapes.
That night you’ll dream of your actions,
And of your darkest deeds.
But her pain with be replaces with pleasure,
And her screams replaced with moans.
And when she told you she hates you,
Will be replaced with
“I love you”
when you awaken the next day,
and find her still besides you,
you’ll do it all again to her,
in a hopes she’ll one day love it.
the poor young woman, lying in your arms.
She dead inside you know?
No one else will see it,
No one else will know.
But you won’t see it either,
As you take her once again.
You will only see your joy
As it finally comes to the end.
One day you’ll arrive
And try to find her face
But she’ll have disappeared
Never to appear again.
She has become strong enough
And tricked you to believe
That she loves you,
That you can trust her,
But now she’s run away.
So now you’re all alone
Because of your mistake
You’ve lost the one you love.
Will you try and get her back,
And make her run some more.
Will you move on and try to scar another?
Do you know in years to come you’ll see her on the street.
She will be laughing and smiling
And being with her friends.
Her eyes will shine with a light,
That you once took away.
She laugh will ring like true tone bells
Not the broken ones you made.
She will be close to friends,
And truly having fun.
Something you haven’t seen
For before you stole it away.
Those scars will still be there,
Hidden deep inside
But she will no longer be afraid,
That she will not be loved.
She will finally be free
From what you did to her.
How will this make you feel?
Will you be happy, that you have seen her once again
Will you be angry, that she ran away back then.
Will you be filled, with the desire you once had,
Or will you simply walk away, and forget about what you did see?
But when you lay asleep at night,
Her face will haunt your mind.
No longer will your dreams be filled,
With her eyes crying as she screams.
Tonight you’ll see the smiling girl,
That you once did love.
Tonight within your dreams,
You still see her laugh,
And smile up at you,
But now you know,
That was very true.
You have seen her smile,
That was true to the heart,
Do you know now,
That you broke it apart?
Will you leave her be,
And let her grow,
And one day she be,
And have someone to show.
All the scars,
She hide away,
All the lies,
She told you that day.
She will tell,
Her love that’s true,
And from then on,
Forget about you.
Shhhhhh
Its over,
Shhhhh!
God, apparently as a prank, devised two sexes and called them “opposite.”
The sex war has raged since for 5,000 years. But it’s time we called a truce… starting with men negotiating their terms of surrender.
Why do men like intelligent women? Because opposites attract. Just look at the evidence. What excites men? Food, footy and the Playboy channel. The trouble is, women get all excited about nothing… and then we marry him.
Over half of all marriages today end in divorce, (and let’s face it, more ought to!) and the majority of these divorces are initiated by women.
(Obviously many marriages break up for religious reasons – he thinks he’s a God and well, she just doesn’t.) Marriage statistics are currently lower than Britney Spears’s bikini line.
And as we now know that marriage suits men much better than it suits women, (married men live longer than single men, have less heart disease and mental problems, whereas single women live longer than married women and have less heart disease and mental problems), I suspect that it’s women who are getting PMT. – Pre Monogamy Tension.
I miss hickies like I miss coming home from school eating a mars bar (not worrying about the extra layer of fat that would indefinitely reside under my chin) and turning on pinky and the brain. Im going out tonight I shall make it my mission to return home with a man in my bag and a hickie upon my neck.
Everyday that passes it seems like my mind is more and more at ease. Even though it always seems like I have a huge monkey on my back and I will have it on my back for a long time, maybe even for life. It is always good to hear my wife say she loves me. I never new how that would feel, to me early on in our marriage it was annoying, and it felt like just another I love you rant. Now it feels special, it feels deep, those simple words mean so much to me. I have a new born son, oh my, he is my life, this boy means so much to me. I think of the stupid incident of wanting to hurt myself over and over, then I think about this innocent boy who would not have a father right now, if I would have left this world. I beat myself down over and over, I look at the scar on my arm almost daily, every time I look at it I shake my head, like I tell myself over and over I am so stupid. I think about the time when I was in the hospital basically locked up, hearing people scream at night being put in a straight jacket, I remember when they took someone out in a straight jacket, I thought I would never been in a place like this. What was I thinking, I remember that day like yesterday, I was so scared, I was so ashamed, I was so hurt, I was so sick of my life, I was so much into just wanting to die. I hated my life. I hated that I had no control, God only new my self. He only new how much I could not stand my life. I wanted to be a great husband, not this animal that just ruined my wife, my life, my son, my family, my job, her family, her friends, my friends, it was all crashing down.
Again I think of what my wife said to me, I LOVE YOU, she has no idea what that means to me. Often I think I am worthless, but those words mean so much to me, I know my struggle is often more worth it then what anybody else could image, yet it is still hard to escape what I have done. My new life as I put it is so much better, no more lies, no more hiding, it feels complete. I feel like everyday I am accomplishing something new. I love my wife, she is the best person any man could dream of, she did not give up on me and I know she LOVES ME!
Opinion may be split on whether the G-Spot actually exists. But thanks to koldcast.tv (and a bunch of other people), we still have plenty of freaky sexual statistics to keep us entertained. ’Cos the only thing more interesting than a bunch of statistics is a bunch of statistics relating to your nether regions!
First up faking it. According to research, 67% of women do it. Yeah, yeah – so what, you say? We’ve all had a couple of rolls in the sack less fulfilling than a Ginster’s pastie. But how about the shocking fact that, in a survey of 1000 people, 70.8% of women could correctly identify the location of the clitoris on a map of the vulva, compared to 75.2% of men.
What the hell, ladies?! Men are beating us with own privates! (not literally, thank god.)
Time to get that hand mirror out…
Thanks Geekologie!
1. SEDUCTION: Thinking about what turns you on will revive the sexy feelings and the passion. Seduce your own mind and then seduce your partner using Secret 2
2. SENSATIONS: Tune in to your erotic six senses. Use eye contact, deliberate touches: smell and taste each other; tease each other, let the electricity between you build.
3. SURRENDER: Amazing sex begins in the mind. Follow the first two secrets, and you will feel relaxed enough to let the feelings overtake you and enjoy your sexual experience.
4. REFLECTION: An enjoyable wexual experience will make you go back for more, and this will feed right back to Secret 1. Reflection also opens the door to communication, if you want to suggest a change or new idea to your partner
SOURCE:Tanalee Smith.Nature&Health
I do believe there is such a thing as a sexual ‘tendancy’, because sexual ‘preference’ sounds too much as if you can make a man stop being gay – and even though I would love it if 100% of the population is really bisexual, from my observations I know this isn’t so – apart from that: to say that everyone is bisexual actually insults the bisexuals, because it’s simply another lousy way people made up in order to not having to necassarily talk about bisexuality and quickly wave it away as some form of neutral or default and uninteresting sexuality.
