This weekend I saw “Where the Wild Things Are”. Fucking amazing. Never before have I cried so long and so hard during a movie. By the end, I had given up stifling tears, and had to fight tooth and nail just to avoid openly sobbing.
Honestly, “The Iron Giant” has lost its tear-jerking championship belt.
The rest of the weekend, a friend let me crash at her place, which was all well and good until I realized that she still wanted more than friendship from me. No hanky-panky was had – thank goodness – if only because I behaved like a gelded monk. On the second night, even after downing a mickey of whisky, I refused her bed and slept on the floor.
My back is still aching.
As an added bonus, we got to talking about past relationships and sexual exploits, and I have yet another reason to avoid a relationship with her. You see, she has never had an orgasm, and while that would have never stopped me before, she also revealed the reason as to this situation. You see, she was born with a vagina three sizes too small, and based on what past partners have told me, and my own research as to where I fit on the spectrum of dong sizes, I’m fairly certain that we would be anatomically incompatible.
Still, lots of fun was had, what with all the excellent conversations and howling like Wild Things. I even climbed a tree at one point and yelled that it was time to “let the Great Rumpus start”. Good times.
Of course, it wouldn’t be a weekend with this friend if there weren’t some kind of new romantic complication thrown into the mix. Whereas before I was starting to dig her sister, now my wandering eye has turned towards her sister’s cute friend, and now, I’m honestly seeing this as a wonderful thing.
You see, the cute friend appears to be exactly what I need right now. She’s cute, she’s older, she’s a theatre student, she laughs at my jokes, and perhaps best of all, she’s only in town for the next few months. On top of all of that, she just moved to Kensington, so I’ll probably be able to invite her out for a “welcome to the neighborhood” pint in the next few days. And if all goes according to plan, I won’t even be living nearby if we do decide to start doing the horizontal monster mash.
I just pray that my luck will turn in time for that pint.
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