Long distance…….
I believe it to be hard, knowing now after having a long distance relationship, but i still consider it to have been worth it even though it didn’t last
. 
I remember…..
Not wanting to meet Patrick, knowing beforehand that he was going to be there. I didn’t want to meet another guy that would disappoint me, tell me lies only to find that hopes were up for no clear reason. I didn’t want a guy to find me attractive from far away, i didn’t want to feel special for only one night and then end up crying the next as did Joe, i didn’t want it. So i came to a wedding with the idea that i was going to simply hang out with my family, but something changed as that weekend progressed.
I remember….
Seeing him for the first time looking all lonely unhappy to be there, different from everyone else
My mom saying at dinner “look Brittany, thats your boyfriend for the night, looks like another joe,” and thinking “I wish” as he walked by.
Walking past him as the reception had begun and smiling at him (after I had looked his way all night) and he smiled back, the first time i had seen him smile, and it was such a nice smile.
Finding that my family was no longer dancing so i danced with his family as i glanced over his way and slowly got closer to him (with the help of Jenna and Allison who were dancing and realized that we were both kinda interested in each other).
Talking to him for the first time out on the patio at night at the wedding instead of slow dancing as the night slowly came to an end and i simply hugged him, knowing i’d see him tomorrow.
I remember….
Seeing him the next day and we both smiled when we saw each other.
Listening to the Dave Matthews Band in my grandma’s computer room while everyone else watched Angie and Nick open presents, in content almost silence as we listened to the music, wanting to kiss him more and more every second we spent listening to the music.
When Patrick had to leave, i didn’t want to say good-bye, i hugged him probably ten times and he said “it was real” i laughed and made fun of his Minnesota slang and hugged him again and then slightly kissed him before he left, not knowing if i would ever see him again.
I remember him texting later on that night and talking to him till one in the morning on that school night.
Hearing from him the next morning and every morning to come, texting him all day, and putting me in a great mood.
Flirting with him referring to him as ‘this guy’ and him referring to me as ‘this girl’
I remember after only a week of knowing him he had changed my world, and from the simple this girl, this guy flirting he asked “do you want to officially be my girlfriend” i said “i would love to”.
I remember looking into his eyes, and they looked so true.
I remember we’d spend ten minutes just kissing goodbye.
How he always made my day by texting me.
How we could talk about anything and when we ran out of things to talk about there would always be smileys.
How easy it was to smile and laugh when i was around him, and how just being with him was enough to make me happy.
How talking on the phone would start with little words and end with lots of giggles.
I remember saying i love you for the first time and him responding with ‘ich liebe dich’ because he knew i spoke german.
I remember him telling me how lucky he was to have me, and how optimistic he was about the relationship as i was.
I remember us talking about being each other’s firsts but waiting till a special moment.
But maybe i was naïve to think it would work out? maybe i was naïve to think that a guy could love me despite not seeing me a lot. Because it crumbled as he began to get moodier and moodier as december went by. I kept holding on to that moment when I’d finally get to see him again, when everything could be true again, but it didn’t happen. Unfortunately when confronting occurs and silence begins, the truth comes out. The sweet boy i knew was no longer there, the love he had for me had vanished, and though i have no idea why, there was nothing i could do. I never want to be right when i confront something that i have a problem with, but i was right…..and ya, it definitely hurt. Because i was sure about him, but according to him the spark wasn’t there, and he was probably right, it’s not healthy to love someone who doesn’t love you or an unhappy person who makes you unhappy in the process. For three months he made me extremely happy and feel loved more than I’ve ever felt before, but sometimes good things come to an end, and in this case it did. And in the end all the tears and hurt are worth it, we live, we learn, we move on….it’s apart of life, i’d rather that than feel nothing at all.
…….luckily i have lots of school stuff now to keep me busy (joy).
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