35 going on 16

I know something you don’t know… ok I don’t actually know you or what you know so that may not be true… but in the last couple of months I have come to learn something that a lot of women know and don’t know at the same time. Yes I realize that sentence is a run-on and a masterpiece in confusion. I guess I am just not that good at building suspense! Or am I? MUhahahaha…ha…ha…um.. yea..

So you know how men are supposed to be thinking of sex every 7 seconds? I think in Luke’s case it’s more like every 2 seconds. Then again he is going through puberty! Now before you think I am a pedophile or think something doesn’t add up because you read the intro-post and know that he is 35, let me explain! Luke is a trans man. For those of you unfamiliar or less familiar with trans issues, that means that my guy was born a biological female so that his body is/was that of a woman while he is and always has been, in fact, a man. Transition, in its conventional sense, is the process during which a trans person changes their outward physical appearance (if they feel it to be appropriate), to match their true gender. Transition, however, is really a life-long process beginning with emotional growth/healing and acceptance of oneself as a trans person in a world that categorizes us by our genitals. The more “obvious” part of the transition is hormone therapy and surgery which for a trans man includes injections of testosterone to maintain normal male levels and surgical reconstruction of chest and genitals. A trans man may choose to pursue some or all of these options. In our case, while Luke was male identified from his earliest memories, his environment was not really conducive to exploring or pursuing life as a man.

Now a necessary detour back to my days as a baby ingénue…up here in Toronto, *I* came to my own sexuality at the wise old age of 18. That’s when I met my first butch and fell in lust for the first time. You know how in cartoons when something is clarified or a bright idea dawns on the character, a light bulb comes on over their head? Well after meeting my first butch, a light bulb definitely came on… although in the region of my clit. I am not kidding you when I say it was a complete revelation like: “Aaaaah that’s what sexual attraction is all about! No wonder all these people have been acting like idiots all these years!” The attraction was so easy and natural; I didn’t really even think to agonize over “am I gay or am I not?” Or maybe I was too old to be conflicted; I don’t know… the fact was that I was in sexual nirvana and not about to question it! With my sexuality finally awakened, I took plenty time over the next few years to explore my tastes (and that’s another post entirely) but the constant for me were/are butches. I’ve never really had much interest in biological males and while I find girls desirable and luscious, it’s always been butches that, well… turn me into a warm ooey gooey puddle of desire.

Soooo when I met Luke 6 years ago, I was pretty comfy in my sexual niche as a femme (feminine lesbian who may or may not be sexually attracted to butches, of course my favorite typecast would be the pre-stonewall old school butch/femme dynamic). Interestingly enough, even though he was oozing masculinity (and I could tell this even though we met online), he didn’t identify as a butch. Of course, I was also not really looking for a relationship just then either, having just gotten out of something nasty and drawn out and definitely not a long distance thing but I thought what’s the harm in innocent chatting, right? Yea, famous last words. The fact is that I was both attracted to him and intrigued by him as we continued to chat online and over phone and 3 months later, I made the trip down south to meet him. The rest is history… sexy sexy history. A lot of wonderful things have come out of our relationship. I have experienced unconditional love which is amazing. *mushy moment* And on his side, seeing how I appreciated his masculinity, Luke felt much more free to express it. With or without me, Luke would have gone through his transition… I just think that knowing me helped speed things up a little and it’s something I am proud of *beam* Of course I will tell you this, to begin with, I only thought that he was gender-queer in a butch capacity but the fact that he was a man became clear quick enough. The question I get a lot is what does the fact that he is a man mean for me? My answer is, why should it mean anything? I fell in love with him not his genitals and the fact that he is a man doesn’t change who I am. I still identify as queer and femme because my overall sexuality is not dependant on who I am sleeping with at the moment. At this moment I am in a monogamous heterosexual relationship and I probably will be in it for the rest of my life… but if god forbid, something happens to our relationship, I would still be majorly attracted to butches.

And this brings us back to the fact that I know something you may or may not know! Luke began his hormone therapy on his birthday this year and so has been on testosterone about 4 months. At the beginning stages of hormone therapy, a trans person goes through a kind of second puberty. A trans man specifically experiences hair growth, his voices drops, his fatty tissue redistributes, he stops menstruating and his body generally becomes more masculinized…. oh and his sex-drive goes through the roof and then keeps shooting up (no puns intended!). And that is what I’ve learned: men really can’t help being horn-dogs! Seriously! Never having been with a man, I always thought that the way men chased after sex and claimed that they could not concentrate without it was all just talk and bravado. But it’s true! They actually can’t turn it off… control it yes but turn it off, no! I’ve known Luke for 6 years and he is the most respectful human being towards a woman you can ever find. He is all southern gentleman without an ounce of chauvinism. So when he tells me that he seriously can’t concentrate because all he can think about is sex… I believe him! I have a lot of straight and bi girl friends who seem to believe that their guys are not as desperate for sex as they pretend to be. Well I don’t know about each individual man but I am now much much more willing to believe that yes a guy might actually die of blue balls. So yes, I have come to have a bit more sympathy for men and I can say I understand (not approve) a bit more why it is that young men resort to sometimes despicable means to get sex. As for me, I am essentially a woman on the brink of 30 (which is supposedly a woman’s sexual peak) with a man of 35 (with impressive sexual experience and prowess)  who has the sexual appetite of a boy of 16, (a man’s sexual peak). I need to go and google crotch ice packs now. *G*

[Via http://dirtyingenue.wordpress.com]