Doing some more obsessive reflecting upon the recently reported final nail in the coffin of the drawn out melodrama of the boy, I have come to realize that maybe our sex life was not really all that I built it up to be. In a relatively short time it evolved into a fairly demented submissive fantasy that I really wanted and needed to work out of my system. Mostly, he liked me for my oral skills. His skills were top notch as well, but the real turn on was his willingness to totally dominate and objectify me . Not a lot of tenderness or romance involved. Not that there is anything wrong with this kind of sexual relationship. Obviously, it hooked me pretty deep as he strung me along for the years. Problem was, I mistook it for love. I wanted it to be love, but it was not.
But now there is a chance that the gentle boy I met recently ( not quite sure how to refer to him really.. it’s too speculative) is one of the tender ones - again I say this quite tentatively. I’m in no hurry. But I think he might be one of those who likes to talk without the bullshit, who likes to kiss deeply and sweetly and look into my eyes as he pushes into me. Like he’s really there with me and it means something other than simply getting off. I know I am projecting, again fantasizing, but it’s a whisper that’s been tapping in my head for the past week. A little kink is cool once in a while but real tenderness is very appealing to me about now. I think I will explore this scenario a little further and get back to you. Best not to overthink it. I’ll just proceed and see where it takes me. Like I said, I’m in no hurry. So. Tomorrow really is another day.
NOTE: I am writing this post at the reference desk where I am continually interrupted by small children looking for books. I’m trying not to act annoyed but don’t they know I”m blogging about my fucking sex life here??? Such cognitive dissonance…… it’s a little disconcerting. Thus, the possible lackluster eroticism I was aiming for. Although I’m finding myself strangely aroused as I search the catalog for the latest in the Junie B. Moon series…..
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