It makes me wonder sometimes how the minds of people work in general. Some are soft, some hard, some super intelligent, some just plain moronic, some manipulative, some are dominant some are submissive. Yes folks, as this is my first post I want to make it clear that the topic I will be getting to finally is the question of Domination and submission. Myriads of people with varying personalities with degrees of thought processes make this planet earth an unique kaleidoscope of possibilities. I want to find out my own possibilities and boundaries!
Now the human brain is always in a state of conundrum, thinking about what its own needs wants an desires striving to reach an ultimate satisfaction along with the body. Me on the other hand think of the very same needs like anybody else, but with a difference. The difference being i am a man who has an enormous wall that conceals my true identity when in company of people. I am a man that can change with the needs of people. But ultimately who am i?
Ok so i was introduced to the world of D/s approx 3 years back by my ex. To be honest I had no notion of what it was until i had a read on it. I was purely vanilla with missionary sex and doggy on the menu and a blow job on the side and only on special occasions. But there is only so much you can do with women that do not want to experiment in some ways. You can only imagine how it would be to stick a finger up her arse hole, perhaps something more and get off on it. Again only so much you can do watching my own cock pushing in and out of a wet cunt and then cumming inside or over her, but never in the mouth. Also playing with the mind was always a taboo – never had the chance really. Role plays also never occurred. “Wham bam thank you maam”! was la soup de jour, then a cuddle and a kiss and back to routine. Never had I the opportunity to actually let myself be the way I wanted to be. To EXPERIMENT was denied. To be brutally honest I could only orgasm with my own fantasies in my mind and let the body do its own thing. Back then and even now I have watched porn with women being subjugated to various act of intrusion to their bodies, and to me, well it seemed a lot more fun. But then porn being porn, all you can do is watch it and jerk off and let the mind control the body. Not saying i do not respect women, I truly do. In no aspect am I sadistic or narcissistic, but kinky with a touch of power play involved.
I can remember a time, when I had one of my ex’s pinned to the floor as we fucking by the kitchen door, knowing there were people upstairs and I had my hands around her neck. All that she was bothered about was that I had my hands around her neck and she complained about it and literally threw me off as she was appalled by it with a bit of soft reproach. Ok needless to say, I was extremely aroused by it – the reluctance – and ultimately i did get my way but without choking her. Few other things we did was to have some sort of risky sex – out inthe garden fucking away in the night while we could watch the people indoors. But she was not into it as much as i was. But yes i did have a think about it. What is it that gets me going? Mundane sex is necessary, but to fuck like a man possessed is a lot more exciting. To have a woman that is willing to be a slut and a whore and to give herself to you at the same time be herself and be respected and treated like a queen at the end of it is a whole new ball game. That is what i was looking for!
That relationship broke down due to lack of interest I suppose. In retrospect to be honest it was a lot complicated than i would like to say. Let bygones be bygones! It is not something I think about everyday.
I digress. Coming back to the point, I was introduced to the world of D/s about 3 years back and i haven’t looked back since. The path has been rocky but with many glorious and memorable moments. A proper roller coaster ride it has been. Now is a time i want to sit back and with the help of this blog – want to pen my thoughts anonymously and let me find myself!
To be continued…
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