This picture is here just because I think it's hot...
I’m always interested how women respond to the still lingering societal expectations about sex. Not entirely sure what these two College Candy articles tell me, other than it unfortunately appears women can be as tough a crowd to each other as men can be to them.
One, is about not casting judgment because a college-aged woman is candid about enjoying sex.
I’ve noticed that there are a few CollegeCandy commenters who target our writers as sluts because they’re sharing their experiences. To those people, I say – have an open mind. Like everything else in this life, everyone has different sexual needs. Some people feel that sex should be shared between two people after marriage, and a person should only have one partner their entire life. Others feel that having one sexual partner for life is impractical and unfulfilling. I challenge you to believe that both are okay.
I would also like to offer to you that there is a difference between being a slut and being a sex-positive female. We live in a society that is smothered in all things sex, but why do we still view the ladies that partake in such activities as whores? While I’m in no way advocating risky, promiscuous sex, I think it needs to be said that SEX IS A GOOD THING, and talking openly about it works to slowly but surely remove the stigma attached to it.
The other is about not casting judgment because a college-aged woman wants to save herself for marriage.
You might think I’m crazy, but I know that until I have found the one I’m going to spend the rest of my life with, I’m not going to settle. I don’t just want to pick up some random guy at the club, spend a meaningless night together and have my final image of him be his back heading out the door.
I don’t mean to completely admonish and criticize those girls that do live that sort of life. I have plenty of girlfriends who go through guys like they’re the flavor of the week. And I’m totally fine with you living that lifestyle; I wasn’t born in the 18th century. I understand that times have changed and it’s the new millennium. All I want is for you to not look down on me like I’m missing out on something. Because I don’t think I am; I love everything about my life, and wouldn’t live it any other way.
Probably the most hilarious thing about both of these articles is how judgmental they come off in their own right. The first writer spends most of the piece turning the ’slut’ into an ‘other’ when, whether fairly or unfairly, the idea of what a ’slut’ is exactly is in the eye of the beholder.
For instance, a few weeks ago a woman who has now become a good friend and frequent partner of mine caught me by surprise when she asked me if I would think she was a whore because we were hooking up the first time we hung out.
When I joked about it a little later, she talked about how guys have taken that position before and adjusted their treatment of her accordingly.
Having been around enough groups of my male peers, I know the score. I guess I was surprised because the idea of her being a ‘whore’ hadn’t even crossed my mind.
I’m into it, she’s into it… what’s the problem? I’m supposed to be a ‘champion’ and her a ‘whore’?
Doesn’t make any sense.
And then there’s the second woman. A good friend of mine is on a similar track (which is a damn shame too because she’s fucking gorgeous) and wants to save herself for marriage.
I think she’s an idiot but I don’t begrudge her, it’s her life after all. And I feel the same way about the virgin who wrote the article.
The problem I have is the continual attempts to justify her position in the piece. I’ve met ‘random people’ in bars who I never saw again and who have become important parts of my life. Even the ‘meaningless’ nights I’ve had were (mostly) fun and some have even lead to relationships the author would likely consider not ‘meaningless.’
There also has to be some acceptance of simple reality here… she is ‘missing out’ in the same way I miss out on the perks of a healthier lifestyle because I drink too much, smoke too much, indulge in narcotics and barely sleep.
I accept this and I think the author should accept she is missing out on something that can be very awesome. Again, I don’t begrudge her, if that makes her happy then good luck and godspeed… just spare everyone the sanctimony.
Ultimately, neither of these articles accomplish much because there’s often no real point in attempting to defend your lifestyle choices to those who choose to look down on your or judge you because of them.
If you want to be a ’slut,’ (whatever that means) then do it. If you want to be a virgin… do that too. Anyone who isn’t okay with either choice probably shouldn’t be in your life.
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